Of Pippinisms
by The Gothic Elf
Summary: *UPDATED* Witty and original take on Pippin + Diamond romance- trust me, it's a right piece of Tookish Delight. :)
1. Of Seascapes and Carrot the Pony

Like LotR itself, the story is slow to get started. Bear with it if you can, it gets better.  
  
And as for reviewing- I do NOT mind what your opinion of this is, as long as you aren't one of those morons who hasn't got one. I'm sure you aren't, so whatever your opinion is, I need to hear it.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my PC. Period.  
  
Chapter 1- Of Seascapes and Carrot the Pony  
  
Frodo was gone. He'd left behind 3 hobbits with, by now, extremely tear-stained faces and soggy toes. Pip had cried buckets; he always seemed to, far too easily, he thought.  
  
He'd miss his cousin, he knew that much.  
  
And Merry and Sam would miss him too, nobody to go to the Dragon with, nobody to talk them out of trouble when Farmer Maggot and sundry others (who Pippin had frankly decided were umpteen raisins short of a flapjack) were chasing them with assorted farming implements, nobody to blow smoke rings around the fire with (unless you counted Paladin, who was so old he practically needed somebody [with their lungs in better working order] to do it for him).  
  
Pip sighed. He meant no disrespect for Frodo, but the grey ship had gone. About two hours ago, and he was wet, and tired, and hungry, and the pebbles on which he sat were sticking right in his ars.oh, Sam had turned round.  
  
Were they going now? It looked like it. Pippin bit his lip and said nothing as they made their way back to the ponies.  
  
Resisting the urge to snatch Carrot's (yes, that was the name of his pony. Believe it) tartan blanket off and snuggle up in it, he rode off, following Merry's pony. 


	2. Of Silence and Sleep

Chapter 2-Of Silence and Sleep  
  
But the Shire was such a warm and cheerful place that there really was no better place (except maybe Rivendell) to recover from any ills a hobbit might feel.  
  
Even as they entered the outskirts of the Shire, Merry was cracking jokes, to try and lighten the atmosphere. They raised a smile, though Pippin didn't feel much inclined to laugh properly at them. 'This is stupid,' he told himself, 'Grow up and think about something else!'. Yet he had always been such a cheerful Took , and admirably bright even in the darkest circumstances, that this was uncanny for him to feel such sadness. He could find no reason as to why all he wanted to do was slope around the woodlands - alone - and sigh deep sighs.  
  
Merry noticed. He was bound to, of course. 'Pip?' 'Aye?' 'I know how you feel. But he's fine, trust me . He'd not want you to regret his going , would he?' Silence, while the Took considered this. 'Pip?' He sighed. 'No, Merry, he wuddent'. And he tried to at least talk a bit more for the remainder of the journey.  
  
They said farewell to Sam, who was understandably still very quiet. 'Weel', said Pippin, 'That was The Eind. Befor, Ah always felt the...the adventure culd somehai go ain. That even though it seemed tae a' be ower, we weer still a' togeither and we'd hae mair adventures..but we're no' gonna. A' there is in the futur is aboot eighti years o' growin' old!!!'  
  
Merry blinked. His best friend was more usually what you'd politely call.. Not The Sharpest Quill Pen In The Pot. To hear him being so philosophical as this was unnerving. 'No', he thought, 'its downright amusing. But don't you dare laugh, you evil Brandybuck.' 'Pip. Your tired and cold and you need something to eat. Go to bed as soon as we get home, and I swear to you the world will look better in the morning. Promise.'  
  
The other hobbit smiled warmly at him. His best friend was talking absolute sense, he had to be right, it was just himself being a Fool of a Took, as per usual. Yes.the world would definitely look better when viewed from the other side of a very long sleep and probably.some mushrooms as well. Yum. 


	3. Of,er, Naked Hobbits

Chapter 3-Of.er, Naked Hobbits  
  
'Knock! Knock! Knock!' Oh Valar! Some idiot was knocking on the yellow door to the hobbit-hole. As a matter of fact, it was three idiots, but he wasn't to know. Pippin groaned and yanked his head out of his pillow. He tumbled out of his bed (lovely, comfy place, what business had anyone making him leave it anyway?), and was three-quarters of the way to the door before he realised he had no clothes on. He cursed.  
  
He spun round to dash back to his room and bumped into Merry, who giggled. 'That's no way to greet ladies, Pip. It's your Sisters, and they look, well, as they ever do. ' he grinned, peering out the window. 'And ye said the world wid look better in the mornin'...' Pippin grimaced. 'Let them in aind give me five minits tae git changed!', he called, speeding back to his room. 'Or leave oot the back dair aind no' come baick 'til they've gone..' He muttered darkly.  
  
He stumbled back, dunked his head in the basin of water (which Merry had, very thoughtfully, neglected to heat) and flung his shorts, breeches, shirt and waistcoat on. A glance in the mirror showed that his hair resembled a semi-huffed dandelion. Much rummaging located a comb, which he ran over his feet also.  
  
Drat those Sisters! They could talk the hind leg off a donkey, and were more than a Force to Be Reckoned with. They were just about the biggest gossips in the Shire, and totally convinced their little brother still needed protecting from the world. This had embarrassing consequences. When he'd come back from an almost two-year adventure, in full armour, full of tales about how people had called him 'The Prince of Halflings' for his deeds in battle, their reaction was ' Well, how come Melilot Bolger beat you up when you were fifteen, then?'. Idiots.  
  
He took a deep breath and glumly turned the handle of the living-room, fervently wishing he'd had time for at least one breakfast. 


	4. Of Siblings and Sarcasm

Chapter 4-Of Siblings and Sarcasm  
  
'Hello, bro!' said Pearl. 'Hello, bro!' said Pimpernel. 'Hello, bro!' said Pervinca. 'Aye, likewise.' He glanced at Merry who was sitting with a very forced smile on his face. Pimpernel liked Merry. Very much so, Pippin knew, and Merry knew, and the other sisters couldn't not know since she babbled about Merry so often. Shame she didn't know that Merry really couldn't stand her. She was sitting with a foolish grin on her face (though no doubt she thought it looked very attractive), batting overly - made-up lashes at him.  
  
' Brother dear, I was just remarking to Master Brandybuck that I think you've grown....'said Pearl. '.Sideways..', tittered Pimpernel. ' .since we last saw you. What is your size in coats, now, anyway? Perhaps we could find you a tailor who does clothes your size..I'm sure there was one I remember, oh yes, he also makes Oiliphaunt armour in his spare time. I can't personally see much difference between the two!', she giggled.  
  
'Ladies, this is no laughing matter! As it is, we just about crack our heads open coming in every door, it's not our fault!', said Merry, standing up to demonstrate his height. Pimpernel tittered like a mad thing and batted her lashes even more furiously. Pippin glowered. 'Why me?' he thought. 'Well, Ay remember when our little brother was still in nappies, he was a very small child.' '.used to get beaten up..' '...poor kid..' '.In fact, he was a total wimp.' '.not like now of course.' 'Not like some big, strong hobbits', simpered Pimpernel, eyelids so furious they wee on the point of dropping off. Pip could feel a blush starting. This wasn't a great time to turn beetroot either.  
  
And then Pervinca said: 'Well, we've only had just the one breakfast. Aren't you going to invite us for a second one?' Oh, horrors, he thought, my precious mushrooms! And, staring at Pimpernel, 'she really does think the sun shines out of Merry's trousers, doesn't she 


	5. Of Mushrooms and Matchmaking

Chapter 5-Of Mushrooms and Matchmaking  
  
  
  
'After you', said Merry charmingly. Pimpernel giggled and pranced off down the hall. Shortly after, they were all sitting down to large breakfast of tomatoes, bacon rolls and mushrooms. Pippin was amazed at how his sisters could somehow manage to whisk that many mushrooms out from under his nose and bolt them down at that speed, but still look the very embodiment of being ladylike .  
  
Merry had decided that flirting with his cousin's Sister was a good game, and did so at every opportunity, with a perfectly straight face. Pippin could see straight through it and found it vaguely amusing. The other two were talking at him, but seeing as they seemed to be supplying the answers themselves, he wasn't really listening. In fact, Pippin was One Bored Hobbit.  
  
Until, that is, Pearl flicked her hair out of her eyes and fixed a deceptively innocent stare on her brother and said: ' So, tell me, why haven't you found a nice Hobbitlassie and settled down yet?' The Killer question. He choked on a piece of tomato and proceeded to turn blue in the face until Merry leapt off his seat and thumped him on the back. This, though a pretty good tactic on distracting people from unanswered questions, didn't wash on the sisters.  
  
Pervinca stared pointedly at him until he cleared his throat with a quick swig of tea and said haughtily ' Weel, ah never meit one ah liked enough' This was, in their book, the Wrong Answer. 'Don't be so stupid! There's hundreds of perfectly lovely girls living ... living practically opposite you!' 'You Fool of a Took! Do you know how many lasses have taken a shine to you since you came back from that Adventure? Our crowd thinks you're the toast of the Shire!'  
  
Pip cringed under this. What was their problem anyway? He was perfectly happy as he was. Oddly enough, when he thought about it, he couldn't remember the sisters having hardly anything to do with Lads, and he couldn't think why, either.  
  
'I could set you up with someone I know, o brother small..' said Pearl slyly. Oh whinge, no. 'Och aye? Who?' ' One Malva Proudfoot. I hear she's very.' But at this point it was Merry's turn to choke. He swallowed quickly and laughed. 'I think not!' 'And why ever not !?' cried Pearl (Malva was a close friend of hers). 'Because she's a, a complete, um.you know..'Merry continued lamely. 'I don't. But I can guess. And its not true' she continued coldly.  
  
She wiped her mouth delicately on her napkin and rose from the table flouncily, even though she hadn't finished. Her sisters followed her example and looked down their noses at the two hobbitlads still seated. 'We didn't come here to be laughed at.'  
  
Merry couldn't, just couldn't stop himself: 'Really? Where d'you usually go? Pippin hooted with laughter and thumped the table., the china rattling. The looks on their faces!  
  
' Meriadoc! We came here to see how you were! As concerned cousins and sisters! But we're just being insulted and laughed at!' ' Och, learn tae tak a joke, ye puddens!' said Pippin, standing up. 'Ye came here tae poke me aboot how ye think ahm no doin ainithin richt. Ye always do. Ye do it delbratly, jist cause yer mah big sistrs. Noo, leave me alon!'  
  
He firmly escorted them to the door, while they protested they were 'just concerned' and fetched their shawls from the coat stand while Merry shooed them in the general direction of the door. Getting people like Pervinca to leave is a major operation sometimes.  
  
They all tossed the shawls about their shoulders and snippily trotted out the door in a neat line. ' Humph. Goodbye, brother.' ' Humph. Farewell, brother' ' Humph. G'bye brother, and also to you, Lover-boy. Mwah!' Merry cringed as Pimpernel blew kisses at him as her sisters dragged her away.  
  
'Gibye, loover boy!' echoed Pippin in a passable imitation. He cracked up laughing. 'Oh, you're just madly jealous. It's not like you'll ever have anybody blowing kisses at you, will you?' Pip stopped to consider this. Possibly. Ach, why bother worrying? He was only thirty- four after all, and had about eighty years of his life still ahead of him in which to find any sort of lassie he wanted. What was the hurry in the first place, eh?  
  
They turned around and went back inside the hobbit-hole, Pippin still thoughtful. 


	6. Of Time and Thoughtfulness

Chapter 6-Of Time and Thoughtfulness  
  
In the years to come, he was still thoughtful. His sisters had probably put the idea in his head, but he started to feel lonely. Like something was missing but he couldn't tell what. He tried to be normal and do all the things he used to, mucking about with all the other lads round Brandybuck hall, but felt more and more he didn't want their company. Either his own would suffice, and so he went for long, solitary walks in the surrounding woodlands, or he wanted somebody else's company, but whose?  
  
It occurred to him one day, while round at his friend Sam's house, how lovely it would be to have a little child of his own, like Eleanor, who was a truly beautiful baby. He'd heard they were a lot of hard work...  
  
He said about this to Sam, who just smiled and said that he'd know what that was like soon enough. Which, he had to admit, was a good answer, though not terribly helpful. He felt so confused. Merry noticed, but put it down to Frodo's leaving and left it at that. In his book, so long as his friend wasn't off his food, he was perfectly fine.  
  
Years passed. It was winter, then spring again, and the beginning of summer came about. Pippin remained distant and not quite 'with it'. Life in Hobbiton went on, as uneventful as it ever was. Merry and Pippin held a joint birthday Party, as they always did, for although Merry was eight years older, their Birthdays were within a week of each other.  
  
It was a very good party, he had to admit. Bilbo would have been proud, had he still been here, that he'd taught the younger ones how to party! And suddenly, as he was dancing with the umpteenth lassie (his feet were just about worn off, the girls were queuing up. Why????) it occurred to him exactly what was missing... 


	7. Of Hangovers and Escape

Chapter 7-Of Hangovers and Escape  
  
He woke up the next morning feeling more than slightly hungover. He groaned and rolled over, trying to get rid of the feeling that he'd somehow got a woodpecker lodged in his head. But you didn't show that around Merry, who never seemed to get hungover, even if he'd got so drunk he couldn't walk home in a straight line (which had happened surprisingly frequently in the past).  
  
No, wait, there really was a thumping noise. He sat up, feeling woozy. 'Hummph? Whassat? Och!' It was the door being thumped. He fell out of bed. If the past years had taught him one thing it was at least to shove some clothes on when answering doors. Thankfully. Throwing on shorts and breeches and ramming a shirt over his aching head, he dashed along the corridor, wondering why Merry hadn't answered it.  
  
He tripped on an outstretched foot and fell flat on his nose. Merry loomed over him, finger to his lips. 'Weel, thaes a nice guid morning, an' ah don't think!' ' Oh shut up! Listen.'  
  
The knocking on the door paused, and Pearl's screeching voice seeped through the woodwork: 'Peregrin! Wakey - wakey, stupid! We've got a bone to pick with you! We brought somebody to seeeee you!'  
  
Pippin just about died. He knew what the sister's had in mind. 'Hide me!' he hissed frantically. 'Ten steps ahead of you, my friend. If anybody asks, I was asleep until lunchtime. And you, pal, were out. Quick, the back door's open, and you can grab something from the larder for a late breakfast. They'll give up and go away in about, oh, three hours probably' sighed Merry. Pip wrapped his arms round his friend. He really couldn't face his siblings, not the way he felt now. 'Thanks' He stumbled off down the corridor, not having time to check his reflection in the mirror.  
  
He quickly sniffed round the larder, banging his head on the way in as he invariably did with low roofs. He shoved some pasties, fruit and a flask of cordial in a bag, slung it over his shoulder, stopped, took it off, put in several mushrooms and a few slices of cake (seeing as this may have to last him a long time, and do for second breakfast as well, possibly even elevensies).  
  
He sneaked out the back door, with what would have been a silent exit if he hadn't whopped his head on the lintel again.. 


	8. Of Treetops and Sunshine

Chapter 8-Of Treetops and Sunshine  
  
He jogged on to the fields. There were meadows, which he'd spent many days of his childhood in. He thought of this and found himself longing for those days. Days when he didn't have to worry, days when the worst his sisters could do was tell his father about how he'd gone apple scrumping with his friend, days before he'd seen war and sadness.  
  
He reached the Tree. His tree. The one he'd always climbed when he didn't want to be found. The one which had two perfectly spaced, hard-to-reach perches, one for Merry, one for him. He climbed it now. 'I'm not hiding, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I just don't want to be found.'  
  
He sat up there to eat his breakfast. He watched the sun climb in the sky, and thought about things. About what was missing, and why he wasn't happy, and possibly why the pasty he was eating was the manky two-week old one instead of the fresh-baked one he thought he'd picked up.. He left it for the birds to eat, balanced on another branch. He sighed, and looked at he sun. It must be time to go back now. He stuffed what was left into the bag and swung it over his shoulder. He swung his legs round the right way and dropped out of the tree... 


	9. Of,um,Flattened Hobbitlassies

Chapter 9-Of.um, Flattened Hobbitlassies  
  
There was a shriek as he dropped out of the tree. He tried to check himself, but landed on something which didn't feel at all like the ground. He tumbled over in a heap with whatever he'd landed on. It was still shrieking, and punching at him with surprisingly hard fists. He rolled away from the dangerous little thing and looked at it, still kicking in his direction and yelling blue murder.  
  
It was a Hobbitlassie. She was very small and delicate looking, with dark, almost-black hair. His fall had tangled her shawl up, and it was draped over her face so she couldn't see. Pippin blushed to the roots of his hair, and lifted her lilac shawl off her head, whilst babbling frantic, tongue-tied apologies.  
  
She pushed her long curls out of the way to reveal a furious-looking, scarlet-cheeked face. She placed her hands on her hips and glared squarely at the man- hobbit in front of her. ' How dare you!!! You great clumsy oaf!! Couldn't you see I was sitting here ?!!! What harm did I ever do you, eh?'  
  
Pip just stared. She was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. He couldn't believe he'd been foolish enough to just do that! He could think of absolutely nothing to say, he just flushed even darker red with embarrassment.  
  
' I'm talking to you, you twerp!' She stuck an arm out and tried to prod Pippin for effect. As his stomach was just about concave and there wasn't too much of it to prod, this didn't work very well. 'I don't suppose you have a reason for dropping on my head like a chestnut? Let me guess- you mistook me for a flower?'  
  
Pippin said the first thing that came into his head: 'N-no, but ye aire as beautiful ais one!' he blurted. As he said it he realised it was true.  
  
'What?' She was taken aback. What a strange thing to say. She flicked her hair out of her eyes and tried again. 'Well - well that's not an excuse. It hurt.' She sniffed, and took a proper look at the man-hobbit. She'd seen him around the place, but didn't know him.  
  
'Och, ahm so sorry! Ah reely didnea mean tae hert ye! Och, aire ye okay? Here..,' He stood up and helped her to her feet, fascinated by how small and lovely she was. She dusted herself off, straightening out her skirts. She looked strangely at Pippin. 'What in Middle-Earth happened to you? You're like the Jolly Green Giant!' Pip looked down at her. She stood nearly two feet shorter than him. He felt very self-consious of his height and also of the fact he must look a bit of a mess to this groomed, pretty little lassie. 'Um, weel put it this wey- don't accipt drinks frae strengers. Aind they don' come much stenger than an eint.'  
  
She looked confused, then said: 'Ents? Oh! You're Peregrin, aren't you? The famous one? Who went off on that adventure a few years ago and came back to save the whole shire' she said excitedly. 'Famus? Me? Weel..um, ca' me Pippin. Whit- whits your name?' She smiled 'I'm Diamond, and I'm sure I'd be delighted to meet you if we'd met in any other way.' Diamond. What an absolutely beautiful name. The most precious jewel of them all. It did suit her.  
  
They grinned at each other. There was a moment of uncomfy silence, and then she looked down. She got down on her knees and started picking up her books and her lunch off the rug she'd been sitting on.  
  
'Och.' Pip got down on his hands and knees to help, and put her books in a little basket which had been laying beside her. 'Well, I suppose I've got something to be thankful for. It would have been a very boring day today if a giant,' she paused to smile shyly at him '...giant, handsome- looking hobbit hadn't made me think it was raining hobbits, and landed on my lunch.' She realised this sounded somewhat bizarre. Luckily Pippin didn't seem to think so.  
  
He was smiling at her dopily as if the sun was shining out of her.. wait a minute, when people give you looks like that the top buttons of your bodice are usually unfastened. Ahem. They weren't. Phew.  
  
When all her belongings were in the basket, she daintily folded up her rug and stuck it under one arm. They looked at each other in silence, unsure of quite what to say. Pippin knew that part of him badly wanted to see this hobbitlassie again, and part of him was still cringing in utter embarrassment, and another part was too flipping shy to even decide what it thought.. 


	10. Of Dating and Embarrasment

Chapter 10-Of Dating and Embarrasment  
  
Diamond solved the problem by briskly standing up and saying 'Good-morning anyway, Master Took. Look, erm, I will see you, er, about, won't I? Like at The Green Dragon sometime, you know where that is, don't you? How about tonight, I'm, er, going to be there ..'she trailed off into silence, not sure how to finish. Pippin's face lit up. 'Aye! Breeliant! I ken tha' place weil enough, Ah'll be there!' .His enthusiasm was making him sound a bit of a nutter, he was vaguely aware that this wasn't quite how Meeting Girls was supposed to go (not for the last time), but couldn't help it now.  
  
Diamond looked at him fondly. If life was a field with an enraged bull in it, Pippin would be the one sitting on the fence with his back to it, eating apples, with RED breeches and a RED waistcoat on. 'Um, well, then, I'll, er, be seeing you.' 'Aye!' '. Around. Tonight, um...' 'Aye!' '... Yeah, so, well, bye, then' 'Aye!' '.Pippin. Farewell.' 'Aye! Ah, mean, guidbye!'  
  
Diamond set off, heart thudding, feet on autopilot, smiling at the exchange. 'Foolish girl, why couldn't you have made a better job of asking to meet him?' she chided herself. She liked him, even if he'd just fallen out of a tree onto her head. Had her friend Malva Proudfoot been there, she'd have laughed her furry toes off and said  
  
'We'll he's a bit KEEN, isn't he? Of course she's pretty, but flinging yourself at her is no way to treat a lady!'  
  
Pippin tried to get to his feet, dizzy with happiness. He succeeded in banging his head on a low branch. He lay still, underneath the boughs, grinning broadly at nothing and everything. He then discovered he'd gone through the whole exchange covered in cake crumbs. He landed on the slices of cake when he fell, and managed to pour them all over himself. For the hundredth time that day, he cringed with what she must have thought.  
  
He got to his furry feet, brushing himself off and retrieving his bag from a clump of nettles. Wait 'till Merry heard! Wait 'till the sisters heard! Wait.. no, he thought, here's a better idea:  
  
Wait until tonight. He set off home, glowing with happiness and the thought of seeing her again. 


	11. Of Cake Crumbs and Ceiling Beams

Chapter 11 - of Cake crumbs and Ceiling beams  
  
'Merri! Merri! Och, ah've got samethin tae tell ye! Merri!' cried the Took, bursting into his home. 'What? And wher've you been anyway? I was going to send out a search party if you'd not come back soon. It's unlike you to miss meals..' 'Neiver mind tha', ye soond lik' some fussin' hen! Ah wis awa' aind ah've met sameone! She's beautifule, she is..' He pranced in, carelessly dropping the bag of cake crumbs on Merry's foot. 'Och, ye wull came wi' me tae meet hur, wont ye? Ah'm sceered a'reidy, but she's a marvelus lassie, Merri, she is!'.  
  
Merry watched his friend practically jig round the house spreading cake crumbs and pausing from his ecstatic babbling only to scream in pain as he bumped his head on the low ceiling beams. 'Oh dear. The last time I saw him like this was when he ate those really dodgy mushrooms. The ones we told him not to because they were the magic hallucinogenic ones, but he wouldn't listen to us and was dancing round the house screaming about the purple oiliphaunts coming through the walls . this could well be worse,' Merry thought. 'Pip, my chum, I wish you every success.'  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 'Gurr, dratted necklines! Malva, when I ask to borrow a top of yours to wear, next time don't let me pick something as revealing as this! I feel like a whore, and I bet I look like one as well.' Diamond said angrily, twitching at her clothes. 'Trust me on this one. I'm sure your Tookish friend will have no problem whatsoever with it, even if you do' said Malva confidently. 'Oh no, up until the Shirrif arrests me for indecent exposure, that is ... 'Diamond muttered. 'Hmmm, wonder if he's brought a friend? I do think its inconsiderate of you not to have made sure, Diamond'  
  
Diamond rolled her eyes and walked on. Nobody had been told quite how she'd met him. It doesn't do much for first impressions, does it : 'How did you meet the guy?' 'Well, he jumped on me' 'Excuse me?' She'd just said to Malva that they'd bumped into each other while out walking and got chatting. With her fingers crossed behind her back.  
  
'Oooh, something tells me he's got a friend. I knew I should have dyed my toe hair, perhaps a pinkish tint, that could be quite feminine, what do you think?' said Malva anxiously. 'I think you're fine as you are, trust me. Anyway, it's only the Dragon, I mean it's not like you're expected to be dressed up, is it?' 'But, Diamond, it's a man-hobbit! A good-looking one, or maybe two. Dress to impress and all that Donkey*!'  
  
Diamond sighed and stepped inside the Green dragon Inn, nervously looking around.`  
  
* We would say 'Bull', but it's the Shire equivalent. 


	12. Of Green Dragons and Good Company

Chapter 12-Of Green Dragons and Good Company  
  
The Dragon was a friendly place, light and cheerful, not like some of the smoky dens in Bree and suchlike. Diamond knew most of the people in the room, now: where was Pippin, that was the question. She saw him, across the crowded room, sitting opposite his Brandybuck friend. She thought how lovely he looked, a lot better groomed than the last time she'd seen him, and thankfully minus cake crumbs. She waved, and yanked Malva over with her. The Took looked round and grinned so hard the top of his head nearly fell off. There was Diamond, beautiful as he remembered. He stood up to greet her.  
  
'Hullo! Och, ye look beautifule!' 'Thanks! Hey, is this Meriadoc then?' said Diamond, shyness disappearing. 'Call me Merry. Hi, nice dress!' Merry called cheekily. Diamond didn't think so, and wasn't sure why he di..oh yeah. It was rather revealing, wasn't it? He would, of course. 'Why thank you, Merry. Nice.. erm , yes, just...generally...nice. Ahem.' Diamond finished lamely, oh so glad the Dragon was quite noisy tonight and he'd not heard her straight.  
  
Malva seemed more than struck with 'the friend'. Loudly she asked: 'Well, what's for drinking?' Pippin signalled the Landlord over. It wasn't a very busy evening, and he didn't look so hasseled as he usually did.  
  
'Right, two half-pints of ale.'started Merry 'Very good. And what does your Tookish friend want?' said The Landlord jokingly, who knew the pair quite well. 'Very funny! And for our lady friends...?' 'The same' said Malva firmly, grinning at Diamond. 'Er.. alright then, the same!' retorted Diamond, even though she knew it went to her head and made her say some very odd things. 'Make a fool of your self and you can throw yourself in the Brandywine' she told herself. But this was Company; you might as well try and impress.  
  
The evening wore on, quite pleasantly, Pippin and her talking in earnest and cracking jokes with Merry and Malva. And there was a sudden quiet from the other side of the room. It seemed somebody had called for a song. 


	13. Of 'The Hedgehog Song'

Chapter 13-Of 'The Hedgehog Song'  
  
'Hush a meenit,' said Pippin, looking towards the group. An elderly Hobbit with a red handkerchief tied round his neck was being called on to sing. Usually this was cause for much table thumping and applause (or occasionally cause to ask the landlord if he had any rotten tomatoes to hand), and some people started whistling and calling to him. Eventually a song was decided on and various instruments, in degrees of working order, were produced.  
  
Malva rolled her eyes and said this was boring if you didn't want to hear some old codger warbling about past events, or possibly their favourite food. Pip was starting not to like Malva very much. He didn't mind songs about his favourite food. It seemed a perfectly reasonable thing to sing about.  
  
Somebody counted him in and Diamond was quite surprised to hear that he had a very fine tenor voice which didn't miss any notes in the whole of the song, and was really quite pleasant to listen to. Something stirred, the beginnings of an idea, in her alcohol- fuddled mind.  
  
There was due applause and clappings on the back, and ale all round when the elderly Hobbit had finished. Who would be next? The interested Hobbits looked round the room. Until one Minto Burrows called out:  
  
'Hey Pippin! Why don't you come and sing and dance for us?'  
  
Every head in the room swivelled round to watch Pippin. He was suddenly aware of just how many people were actually listening, and of the feeling his vocal chords were trying to creep down his gullet. 'Och, er, no, if it's a' the same tae you. No' noo', he squeaked.  
  
There were disappointed mumblings from the crowd, thinking him to be a very dull hobbit indeed. Pippin could feel a blush starting.  
  
'A reeli widnea wish tae inflict mah voice on ye! It's like a frogs tryin' tae sing!' Now the crowd thought he was just being very modest, and as slow smiles spread across their faces. Some of the younger Hobbits started chanting 'Pi- PIN! Pi-PIN! Pi-PIN!' banging their fists on the table and watching expectantly.  
  
'Dae something Meeri, ye lump. YOU sing, fer the love o' Middle-Earth!', Pippin kicked him under the table. He do almost anything, but not singing. He'd tried to once, and he couldn't sing idiotic rubbish in front of Diamond. His comment about the frog? It was an insult to all things amphibious. At least a frog could hold a note.  
  
Pip could swear he'd spotted his Sisters, chanting along with everybody else. If THEY heard.he'd have to stay in bed for about four years while they spread malicious rumours. But there was nothing else for it. He prepared to step up on the bench and give ' The Hedgehog Song' his worst try.. 


	14. Of Bold Voices and Bad Singing

Chapter 14-Of Bold Voices and Bad Singing  
  
'Hold your horshes! I mean, horsesh!' cried Diamond. She'd save Pippin from a fate worse than.. no breakfast, she would! Boldly, she stepped up on the bench, missing standing in Pippins groin by an inch. She considered she still wasn't much taller than the rest of the crowd, and stepped onto the table, knocking over a half-full mug in the direction which would suggest Merry'd had a rather embarrassing accident.  
  
'Right! Who here knowesh, er, knows 'Flow'rs of the foresht'?' She slurred. She felt very happy and secure. Nothing to be afraid of, see, Pippin? Just a few silly hobbits who take things too far. Well, she could wow them with her voice just as well, couldn't she?  
  
Malva had a nasty sense of foreboding about this. Her friend wasn't taken to singing anything whatsoever. and how much had she drunk anyway? Two pints for one pint-sized Hobbitlassie.. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear.  
  
A few of the musicians claimed to know 'Flow'rs of the forest', and got ready to play. The crowd settled down to listen to her. She was so pretty, surely she had a voice to match. 'Sho count me in, Pip..Pip. Pippininin!' she cried, taking a last pull of drink.  
  
'Um, a wan, twae, three, fower?' he suggested, intriuged.  
  
'Floooooow'rs of theee Foreshhht! Are Briiiiight with theee Shperriiiing!' hollered Diamond, flinging her arms wide open and screeching at the top of her voice. The Dragon had gone deathly quiet, except for this.noise. Merry thought the force of the voice had somehow splattered his eardrums across the wall. He was right in front of it and it HURT! How could one little lady have so much voice in her?  
  
'Waaakkke with thee dawn! Hear a Loooone skylarke SIIINNG!!!!' Diamond barged on through the verses, mutilating the music and issuing forth terrible, sour notes at amazing volume.  
  
The rest of the hobbits either fled for their lives, or sat in stony silence, gritting their teeth, eyes wide open. Diamond had her eyes shut in concentration, and carried on shrieking, regardless of anyone else. A couple of little Hobbitmaids started wailing and had to be carried out by their mother.  
  
'Iiiiiiillll add my Musiiiiiic, foor whaaaat it is wooortth (hiccup)!' she warbled. She waved her arms around for extra effect, her dress front slipping dangerously low. 'Brilliant,' thought Malva, 'She's already disturbed the peace and damaged everybody's eardrums, why not get arrested for indecent exposure as well?'  
  
Merry had surreptitiously filched a wine cork off a nearby table, and was using it to hammer small pieces of cheese down his ears.  
  
'And SIIIIIIIINNGGG just fooor youuuuuu, my Looooove-' 'Not high c, please not high c, no.doh!' muttered the Landlord. 'Theeeeeeeeeeee soong of theeeee Earthh!' she concluded. And, as she finished the last 'the' on top c, ten of the nearby wine glasses went 'ping!' and expired.  
  
As everybody realised it was over, they filed back to their places, from where they'd been hiding, hands still over ears, just in case. Diamond was still standing there, arms outstretched, ample chest heaving for breath, eyes closed. She opened a tentative eye. 'Well' she gasped. 'Well. That wash very exshilarating. What did you think (hiccup)?' 


	15. Of Falling Hobbitlassies and Walking Hom...

Chapter 15-Of Falling Hobitlassies and Walking Home  
  
Minto was pushed forward. 'Um. That was.. very interesting, Miss Diamond. Your singing is quite an education, surely', he mumbled, still in shock.  
  
Suddenly Diamond started to feel strange. Ooh, high place for someone so small, not good, too much to drink, not feeling so well.. Pippin moved swiftly and caught the falling Hobbitmaid as she toppled off the table. He set her on her feet and looked her straight in the eye.  
  
'Diamon'. Tha' was bleedin' brulliant! Ah've neiver heard a voice sae strong and powerfule in mah life!!! Have ye bin dain lessons, then?'  
  
The rest of the Inn just stared. Merry (one hand still flicking bits of cheese out of his ear), kicked Pippin hard. 'Don't mock the girl! How can you be so unkind?! 'he cried at his friend. Pippin just stared back at Diamond, who held his gaze. 'Ah wisnea moackin. Ah think she sungs laik a Nightengale' he said, a smile in his voice. 'Oh, so.you liked it then? Excellent, maybe I should start singing more often.' smiled Diamond, believing every single word Pip said because Pip said it. 'Not if I can help it,' muttered Malva darkly, assisting Merry in his cheese removing.  
  
Diamond and Pippin were smiling at each other in quite a dopey sort of way. 'Oh Valar,' said Merry, 'It must be love. Nothing else in Middle-Earth could be that flippin' blind'.  
  
'Came oan, ah'll walk ye hame,' said Pippin happily. Diamond giggled and almost fell over again, only just getting caught. 'Heaven naws ye need it' he grinned. He yanked his coat on, and bundled Diamond's shawl on her shoulders. It wasn't much needed, the weather was still quite warm. As they left the building, Diamond was heard to remark ' What happened to thish place? It looksh like a oiliphaunt hit it.' And Pippin was heard to remark 'Ah've goat absolutely nae idear. Ah wis fair too busi wautchin ye!'  
  
'Itsh.itsh this way. I think (hiccup)',giggled Diamond, as she leaned on the Took's body to stop herself walking in zigzags. 'Ah thunk, mah deer, ye are ever sae slightly sloshed?' 'Mmmmph. Gerraway.' She snorted.  
  
'Och, ah ken whear ye live, its thus way. Ah remeimber noo. Nae, that's a tree, Diamoan', watch wheir ye'r wailkin'!' He warned. 'Oh, you'll..you'll keep me shafe, won't ya, ya, Pippin? Hmmm?' 'Aibsolutly. Just trey aind walk in a streeght line noo!'  
  
Giggling and stumbling, they made their way over a fairly short walk, Pippin liking the little Maid leaning on him. He left her at her front door, as she turned the knob and tottered in. Not before thanking him and planting a warm kiss on his cheek, though. And to Pippin, walking home, there could have been a rain of mushrooms and toadstools and he'd still never have noticed anything amiss. 


	16. Of Paintings and Troublemaking

Chapter 16-Of Paintings and Troublemaking  
  
As was fairly predictable, his sisters visited again. To complain about his behaviour and to say that yes, they did want him to find a nice hobbitlassie, but, no, this midget of a troublemaker ('Who dresses like she wants something from you, if you get my drift, brother small' remarked Pearl nastily) was not the right one for him.  
  
And Merry was more than a little surprised when his friend got up quite calmly, and simply told them if they had anything reasonable to say they'd better say it before they outstayed their welcome, otherwise there was the door and they could just use it. The sisters walked out in stunned silence that their brother had contradicted them, and been so rude. 'I'll tell Daddy!' said Pervinca. 'Guid! Tell Paladin, aind the whole of the shire if ye like! He'll unnnerstaind far beitter tha' ye lot!' Pippin was shocked at himself, but Diamond seemed to have awakened something in him, and he had to defend her. He couldn't have let his sisters tell him what to do with her, not for the whole of the Shire. Let people think what they would, he.liked her too much to care.  
  
All through the remainder of the sleepy summer, Pip spent a lot of time with his new friend. He visited almost every day, or she would come round his house, or they'd meet up at the Dragon or go out together. Merry almost began to feel himself getting a little jealous.  
  
He was jealous of both of them, really. Of Diamond for occupying his best friend, and of Pippin for finding a decent lassie who wasn't Malva Proudfoot or Pimpernel. It would be quite depressing if, he thought, at least Pippin wasn't more 'with it' and normal now.  
  
In fact, Merry hadn't seen him this happy since, well, the Amazing Hallucinogenic Mushrooms. He couldn't be certain this was a good thing..  
  
When Pippin first came round her house, he was surprised to find canvases and painting equipment all over the place, along with some very impressive pictures. 'Here, these are guid!' he said, examining a portrait of what looked like the Mayor. 'Oh, well, I was asked to do that one specially. I do portraits for a living, for smials and for people's mantelpieces, of Great Uncle Boffin or whoever. And the landscapes are quite in demand...' Pippin picked up another one  
  
'Its Brandybuck hall! Thut's brilliunt, it looks exactly like it' Diamond blushed slightly at the compliment. 'Thank you, I did that one quite recently. It's just quite a nice area to paint, round where you live'. Pippin thought a minute, looking at the picture again. 'Ye couldnea teach me how tae dae thus, could ye? How tae pent?' he said.  
  
Diamond looked at him. Marvellous. An excuse to spend even more time with him! And she tried to ignore the little part of her mind, which was jumping up and down going: Valar, he'd make a lovely subject to paint, wouldn't he? Possibly with his clothes off, that would be fascinating, wouldn't it?  
  
'Shut up' she told herself sternly. 'Eh? That's no' veery nice, ah wus only aiskin' 'Oh no, not you, I didn't mean you, I mean.uh, sure, we can start whenever you want, I'll do you, I mean, I mean, I'll do some painting with you.' she gave him a hopeless sort of grin. 'A'right, theen, ah'll see ye tomorrow..' Said the Took happily. 'Great' said Diamond feverishly. 


	17. Of Autumn and First Love

Chapter 17-Of Autumn and First Love  
  
It was just about the beginning of Autumn, a time Diamond loved, because of the beautiful colours there were around to paint, all the gold and reds and browns. The painting classes may have just started off as an excuse to see each other more often, but Pippin was.enthusiastic at painting. Not very much more could be said, he was improving but his 'Autumnal Landscape' had actually been mistaken by Merry as a picture of the raspberry pie he had for elevensies. Pippin liked this idea, and proved to be better at doing Still Lifes (mostly entitled 'Mushrooms with Mushrooms' and 'Study of Many Mushrooms', but that was beside the point).  
  
Pip took his new- found acquaintance to meet some of his other friends, as it looked like she would be pa part of his life for a long while yet. Among these was Samwise.  
  
Diamond and Rosie got on quite well together (apparently they'd been at a little schoolhouse together or something, a subject which Pippin didn't care to elaborate on, as he'd never really gone to a proper school, and wasn't too great at spelling even at thirty-five years of age).  
  
Little Elanor had learned to talk beautifully, which fascinated Pippin. She'd grown up more than he'd thought possible since he'd last seen the little maiden. He had to laugh, though, when he greeted Elanor, and her prompt response was:  
  
'Mummy, I don't like this person. He talks funny.' Diamond and Sam had cracked up at this, unsurprisingly, and Sam had said his little girl had voiced their thoughts perfectly. Pip acted indignant but secretly adored the little child's ability to speak her mind.  
  
It was while he was having a lazy sort of pipe-weed smoke (and Diamond had tried this, dismissing the idea it wasn't 'proper' for ladies to smoke with a 'Hon, we're living in the Fifteenth Century now! If people don't like it they can stuff their weed where the sun don't shine') with Sam that a thought occurred to him: children.  
  
He looked across at Diamond, sitting making daisy chains with the last of the summer flowers for Elanor. Somehow he knew she was thinking the same as him. He was almost certain she wished that little Elanor was hers. The way she looked wistfully at the girl, mind obviously miles away, dreaming she had a child to call her own...oh, wait. She'd caught him looking and quickly hidden her face. Yes, no use at all, dreaming of having a child. That didn't make any sense. ' I did tell you ye'd know what it felt like soon enough. Prove me right,' said Sam's heavy voice down his pointed ear, causing him to jump in his seat in surprise. 'Ah didnea ken whit yer ta'kin aboot, Sam. She's onli a freend after a'!', flustered the Took. Rosie was giving him bizarre nudge-nudge, wink-wink looks (she was like that), so he decided to just shut up and think about something else. He looked nonchalantly the other way.  
  
Fine, so what if he did love Diamond? How was he supposed to tell anyway? Well? He didn't know, that was for sure. Something obviously showed, by the way people kept... sweet heavens, did Rosie have something in her eye or what?  
  
He sighed hopelessly, and this was immediately misinterpreted by Sam, as a deep lovesick sigh. Diamond looked at him and grinned cheekily. There was a face Pippin reserved for 'I don't know how much longer I can stand this for' situations. He used it. 


	18. Of Sleepiness and Snowing

Chapter 18-Of Sleepiness and Snowing  
  
Hobbiton hardly seemed to notice that the days were going by. It was, as ever, sleepy and slow-moving. A bit like Pippin at times, really. When it arrived at Winter, he'd hardly have noticed if it hadn't suddenly come on with torrential snow.  
  
The snow kept him in the house for about 3 days, until it thawed enough to get the door open properly. He missed Diamond most awfully just in that time.  
  
And then, the snow had lessened slightly to a comfy four inches deep. Comfy, that is for anybody except a hobbit. 'Och, I feel a richt fule!' said Pip as he rammed his furry feet into a pair of boots, reserved for these sort of occasions. Merry shook the spiders out of his ones (they hadn't been used for about 4 years), and together they set off in the direction of Diamond's house.  
  
On arrival, she said she'd missed them both a lot, and together they all went out walking in the snow. 


	19. Of Skating and Kisses

Chapter 19-Of Skating and Kisses  
  
How does a hobbit ice-skate? Probably a visitor to the Bywater Frozen-over Millpond would answer: badly. Their large feet aren't usually very graceful, and they haven't really got a sense of balance to speak of. Diamond had succeeded in landing on her bustle for what felt like the twentieth time running. Curse these new ice skates! No, wait, curse ALL ice-skates, and the pain they brought. What she needed was someone to teach her...  
  
And here was her victim, er, teacher: Pip. She was surprised to find him and Merry skating towards her in a perfectly straight line, considerately stopping in perfect time to avoid slicing her toes off. 'How come you can skate so well?' she asked him from her icy position on the pond surface. They each took a hand and helped her to her feet, where she promptly fell over again. 'Me and Merri have bin skatin' here evri time it's been frozin since were were in oor teens,' the Took replied, patiently assisting her to her feet again. 'How come you can't even stand up?' said Merry, sniggering slightly. 'How come nobody thought to yank your scarf off yet?' said Diamond annoyedly, trying to step towards him to do so.  
  
She slipped once more and this time fell into Pippin's arms. 'Ahem', she wriggled out of them, watching the grin on his face. Being there felt. nice. Merry grinned cheekily, and said that he would ' leave the two lovebirds to their own devices'. He skated quickly off to join the few other Hobbits who were variously skating, sliding and breaking their necks on the ice.  
  
'What ever that means,' muttered Diamond. It had begun to snow again, little flakes that quickly melted. 'Why aire ye so scared to admit it?' said Pippin, looking anywhere else but at her eyes. 'Admit what, exactly?' replied Diamond. By now they were making slow progress along a length of pond, supporting each other so she didn't fall over. 'That ye. like me', said Pip, shyly. ' I am not scared!' she retorted. 'Much. Pippin, I do like you. Really.' Pippin seemed to only half-hear. He looked at the brilliant white landscape around him, and the falling snow. Childishly, he poked his tongue out to catch a snowflake.  
  
Diamond looked down at her feet, then straight at Pippin. 'Pippin, what. what does it taste like?' That moment would have been their First Kiss, beautiful as the snowy day around them. Had not two feet of height difference shown itself at that point. There was a moment's sheer embarrassment as Diamond tried to stand on tiptoe to kiss him, then she gave up. 'Oh, how utterly embarrassing!' She said 'I'm sor. ' Pip laid a finger on her lips and, holding her delicately about her tiny waist, lifted her off the ground so their lips met. She seemed to weigh almost nothing, she was so small. Diamond put her arms about his neck, and the taste of the snow was forgotten about. She could only taste Pippin instead. She wasn't sure how long he held her there, but it seemed like hours.  
  
At last they paused for breath. Probably the Sisters saw. They didn't care. Probably the other Skaters frowned on them. They didn't care. And quite probably Merry would tease them about it later. They didn't care. Pippin put her down, where she wrapped her arms about his chest and hugged him. And when they broke apart, there was a moment's silence.  
  
'Pip, you're not going to say that you love me, are you?' 'Quite possibli. Ah do aiftr a'' 'Right. Then I'll just have to say that I love you too' 'Ah ken' Merry, thinking they had perhaps been eaten by wild badgers, had skated over to find them, and seen them. He hovered uncertainly nearby. They went over to him silently, and together they left the ice. 


	20. Of Burnt Salad and Hot Chestnuts

Chapter 20-Of Burnt Salad and Hot Chestnuts  
  
Diamond suggested that they might like to come back to her own hobbit hole for a snack, and their answer was quite predictable. They entered the rather large home, stamping snow off and dropping their skates down beside the door to thaw out. Pippin, who knew his way around the Hole well, got a fire going, while Diamond bumbled through to the kitchen to start some food.  
  
Merry seated himself in front of the warm fire and thawed out, practically purring. Pip was just about to nervously ask him about (ahem) earlier, when there was a muffled clang and a yelp from the kitchen. 'Heyyy, smells like she burnt the salad' said Merry jollily, sniffing. 'Och, shut up!' Pippin defended, prodding his friend. 'Aire ye a'richt?' he called. There were more clangs from the kitchen, and a whimper. 'I think I've just crippled myself for life, but other than that, I'm in perfect health!' replied Diamond.  
  
Pip got up, concerned, and went through to the kitchen. It looked like Diamond had dropped the tray of mincemeat pies on her foot, the floor was strewn with pieces of buttery pastry. 'Nononono.you're the guest. Bugger off and let me get on with it!' said Diamond, shoving a lock of hair out of her eyes. Pip sighed. She had flour on her nose, and the kitchen looked like an oiliphant had rampaged through it. She looked decidedly sweet. 'Ach, I'm afreed ye've got mah help wether ye waunt it or not, gurl!' he said, scraping the pastry into his hand and putting it in the bin. 'Whaurs the larder roond her, thein?' 'Oh, er, second on your left,' answered Diamond, pointing down the corridor.  
  
Pip was really quite a brilliant cook, and when Merry got bored, came through and helped, it wasn't long before they had mincemeat pies, spiced wine, and roasting chestnuts ready. They took them through, Diamond ashamed and apologizing for inconveniencing them. They weren't though, as both of them liked cooking things anyway. And at least Pippin was Gentlehobbit enough to say: 'Ye can paint, sung aind look beautiful. Nobody expects ye tae cook beautifully ais weel!', and rub the flour of the end of her nose off.  
  
There was a great sheepskin fleece rug in front of the fire, so they sat on that, balancing the chestnuts on the coal shovel and generally burning their mouths on the hot wine ( Merry's own recipe- made by and guaranteed to make you).  
  
Pip got up and perched on the window seat, looking out side at the snow already piled up round the windows. It was snowing again, the flakes large against the black sky. He pulled the curtains, as it was so dark outside.  
  
Merry reckoned this was a chance too good to miss, and he made sure Diamond wasn't looking, then plucked a chestnut off the shovel, and juggling it because of the heat, flung it straight at Pippins rump. It stung him right on target and made the Took jump. 'Hey!', he shouted, spinning round, 'Wha did that?' Merry had his back turned, sniggering. Pip thought 'stupid question really' and gobbled the nut down anyway. Diamond was completely unaware, gazing at a half-finished canvas, a painting of the Brandywine in the snow.  
  
Pip gulped, and swallowed the nut, and thought how lovely she looked, dark hair cascading down her back, face rosy with the heat, feet probably singed to a crisp through sitting too close to the enormous fireplace. 


	21. Of Understanding and GoodNights

Chapter 21-Of Understanding and Good-nights  
  
Merry began to feel himself getting drowsy, and thought they had better leave soon. It was so pleasant though, her liked the other two's company and joking and the food was lovely. He yawned. He heard the clock in the hall strike ten. Right. That really was enough. He got to his feet and stumbled over to Pip, curled up on the edge of the rug. 'Pip. Come on, it's a long walk home. We'd better get going soon.' He said quietly. 'Aye..'his friend had a strange look in his eyes, staring at Diamond. 'Come on,' he prodded him. 'Oh - going already? I wish you wouldn't. You're excellent company' Diamond said honestly. 'Weel, um, you go, Meery, ah'll catch up with ye in a wee while' Pip replied. Merry was slightly annoyed. 'Fine. I wouldn't want to outstay my welcome', he retorted pointedly. 'Oh, no, really, you're welcome anytime, day or night' Diamond answered cheerfully, then replayed the sentence in her head, realised it sounded like she was trying to sell her body at a Brothel and mentally kicked herself. The Took smiled gratefully at her.  
  
Merry stepped through to the hall to get his coat, and Pip followed. 'Whuts your probleim, eh?' 'No problem. See if I care' 'Caire abut whut?' 'Pip.' he sighed and turned his collar up 'Look, I know what's on your mind. Put it this way. I'll understand if you don't come home at all tonight' Pippin started to blush. 'I wisnea thinkin'like tha'. Realli. Much. Och, ah wis!' 'You're my best friend, Its my job to help you. It's just that people talk. Way too much, if you ask me' 'But ye understaind.' 'Yes' Pippin was grateful he hadn't been forced to find the words himself. He hugged his friend, relieved. 'If ainiboady aisks, I got caught in th' sno, aind ah haid tae sleep in th' spare room, a'right? It micht be true yet.' 'Absolutely' was the reply, thought the expression on his face read 'As sure as I have winged broccoli florets flying out of my ass, my friend'. The Brandybuck patted his friend on the arm and walked out the door, calling good - night to Diamond as he went. 'Aye ', thought Pippin nervously. 


	22. Of CinnamonFlavoured Hobbits and Open Fi...

Chapter 22-Of Cinnamon Flavoured Hobbits and Open Fires  
  
The Took went through to sit with Diamond in front of the fire. 'Ye don't mind me bein' here, do ye?' 'Why on Middle-Earth should I?' The Hobbitlassie shifted closer to him, still staring into the flames. 'I'm lonely. I might as well have company', she said reasonably. She laid her head on Pip's shoulder. He trembled slightly. 'Shivering? This close to the fire? Are you quite alright?' 'Ah've neiver been beitter in mah whole life, Diamond' 'That's sweet' she smiled. She stroked his fluffy hair. 'You're sweet' Pip, though he liked her sitting there, couldn't hold back the slight tremble. He couldn't look at her properly as she very gently kissed his neck.  
  
Diamond stopped, and looked straight at his face. His eyes flicked to meet hers, and there was fear in them. Diamond noticed, and decided to just close her eyes, and kiss it away. It was a kiss like earlier, on longer, pushing the Hobbitlad down on the fleecy rug. He tasted like cinnamon. It went on for a very long time, until Diamond broke it and laid her head against his chest. Pippin moaned very slightly, wishing she hadn't stopped.  
  
Diamond kissed him again, this time more urgent. Her fingers seemed to start fumbling at Pippin's waistcoat all of their own accord. Buggerit, but it was way too hot beside this fire. 'Pip, Pip I'm too hot by the fire' The Took looked up muzzily, vaguely surprised expression on his face as he replied 'Weel, would it help if ah took yer cloathes aff?' Diamond didn't answer, but pressed his hands to herself and let him decide, kissing his face and neck furiously the whole time.  
  
It wasn't long before both sets of clothes were strewn roundabout the rug. Diamond was too scared to notice she was still too hot. But Pippin was moaning and pressing himself against her and generally doing a good impression of a horny octopus. 'Pip, oh Pippin, heavens I'm scared, I've never done this before' Looking at the Took's green eyes open slowly to meet hers, she knew she could trust him whatever, and didn't feel so scared when he gasped that he hadn't either. 'It's a'richt.' as he kissed her again to soothe her and, moaning with need, just took the tiny hobbitlassie.  
  
It was sometime later when he paused, shocked and gasping for breath, feeling both their hearts thudding rapidly next to each other. 'Oh Valar.'it came out as more of a whimper, Pippin's throat hoarse from crying out her name. Diamond sighed, cheeks bright red with warmth, and hugged him. Pippin shifted and looked straight at her, raising himself on his elbow slightly. 'Diamoan'. Wis tha' lovemakin' then?' His lover made no answer, but pressed his head down so it rested on her chest, stroking his back. She kissed the top of his head, and the two of them fell asleep, exhausted. 


	23. Of Pippin's Giant Shirt

Chapter 23-Of Pippin's Giant Shirt  
  
Diamond awoke the following morning, the coldness off the winter morning forcing her awake. She shivered and snuggled closer to Pippins naked body, trying to ignore the draughts whisking across the floor. Pip burrowed into her shoulder. 'Schnorfle' he said. She supposed he was just still asleep.  
  
The fire had gone out ages ago. The embers weren't even glowing. She stroked Pippin's hair and lay still. At last she decided to get up. Her clothes were still strewn about the floor. She shifted position and stood up. Pippin whimpered behind her, eyes closed, clutching at thin air instead of her. Diamond sighed and wrapped the nearest garment to hand round herself- Pippin's shirt, which was about twelve sizes too large, and lay down beside him again.  
  
Pippin wrapped his arms around her again. She felt like some kind of beloved cuddly toy. Compared to the five-foot-seven man-hobbit, she was just about the perfect size for one anyway.  
  
Pippin sleepily opened one eye. He wasn't quite sure what to say. If he'd been Merry, he would have found something marvellously romantic and charming to say. He couldn't think of anything so he just kissed her good morning. Diamond giggled and said 'Pip, you're glowing! Look at you,'. 'Whit?' 'Oh dear, somebody's sure to notice. You just...look different.' 'Diamoan'. Ah. Don't. Care. Last night is naebody's business exceept oors. Its no' a crime tae want tae love someboady. Let th' hale of hoabbittan gossip 'til theer tongues drap aff, ah woan't care cause ah love ye more ainiway.'  
  
Diamond thought this incredibly sweet. Hell, that was just the sort of thing that Malva would snort with laughter at and that she was moved by, because Pip was saying it about her. They lay there for a while longer, because getting up seeming utterly pointless when they could laze around and make love to each other all day instead.  
  
But the clock in the hall struck nine and Pippin began to think Merry would worry if he was away for much longer. Slowly and groggily, he got to his furry feet and stumbled about the room, retrieving his clothes. Diamond handed him his shirt back and gathered her own clothes up, then went away to her own room to get dressed.  
  
Pippin didn't want to leave her, but on the other hand didn't want people to know where he'd been the previous night, so he declined her offer of breakfast. He hugged her for ages on the doorstep, making her promise she'd come round to his house at least that afternoon, if not sooner. He glanced back at her, looking alone and forlorn already, shivering on the snowy doorstep. She looked like an angel. 


	24. Of Rude Sisters and Consequences

Chapter 24-Of Rude Sisters and Consequences  
  
He arrived at his own doorstep, quite ready to be more grilled on what had happened than his Ma's barbequed mushrooms. Nothing, however, could quite prepare him for: 'Oh, hello, brother, where have you been all night?,' said Pearl, flinging the door open. 'It wouldn't be round at a certain hussy's place, would it?,' echoed Pervinca, yanking her little brother inside by his scarf. 'Maybe, in her bedroom?' cried Pimpernel 'In her bed?' suggested Pearl 'Quite possibly in her bodice as well!' accused Pervinca. Merry hovered in the background, aware this was one of those family things and it wasn't up to him to sort it out.  
  
'Shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP!' yelled Pippin, 'It's NONE of yer business ainiway! She's MY gurl, she's NO' a hussy, aind ah LOVE her!' . Pippin flung the door open and glared at his siblings 'Just leave. Leave before ah lose mah teimpr. Yer no' welcome in a hoose whaur Diamond is! '.  
  
The sisters were stunned into silence. Their meek little brother . bossing them about ? Paladin would hear of this, and probably the Thain as well, no, wait, that would not be a good image for the family. This was serious. It wasn't the done thing. It wasn't proper. You either got married or you got labelled a whore. They stepped out of the door, though Pip was Gentlehobbit enough not to slam it shut behind them, but instead closed it with an expression of pure rage on his face.  
  
Merry hugged his friend and led the way through to the kitchen. There was a semi-prepared breakfast there, and the kettle had just boiled. Pippin flopped down onto a chair, muttering insanely to himself about his sisters and their interfering. 'They won't tell anybody, you know. They worry too much about what others think. I didn't mean to let them know, but I thought it was you when they knocked on the door, and they said they had something to tell you, and they found you weren't here and.. well, sorry. They just guessed'. He shrugged and handed Pippin a mug of tea.  
  
'Stuff what they think anyway. They're just insanely jealous because no man- hobbit would dream of letting any of them into his bed! ,' Merry said casually. Pippin smirked. When his friend put it that way, it didn't seem so bad. 'Although.. I'd just watch that neck, if I were you. 'Merry said quietly  
  
Pip looked at himself in the mirror. His face seemed to be strangely glowing, and, oh, dearest heavens, numerous bruised looking red blotches all down the side of his neck. He squinted, hoping that might improve matters, and decided just to wear his shirts with the collars turned right up for a few days until his skin healed. He made a face at the sight and a mental note to tell Diamond to make a snack elsewhere on his body next time.  
  
'So.what's it like shagging the hell out of somebody two foot shorter than yourself?' Merry said conversationally. Pippin raised his eyebrows at his friends bluntness, burned his mouth on his tea, grinned cheekily and said: 'Pretti bleedin' marvellous, Merry'. 


	25. Of Panic and Pippin Junior

Chapter 25-Of Panic and Pippin Junior  
  
It wasn't until one of the next times he saw Diamond (round at Sam's house for Dinner), that he remembered something Truly Terrible. He was watching Elanor, and Frodo (Sam's child) playing in Sam's house, and this triggered something, the very thought which was enough to make him choke on his cordial and just about spray it all over the carpet. He yanked Diamond out of the door and into the hall and hissed at her, panicking.  
  
'Diamoan' ! Jist, jist, oh why didnea ye tell me? Och ah'm sae stupid!' 'What, what is it? Pip, what's wrong?' 'Ah've goat ah sereious question tae aisk ye; is there gaun tae be a Pippin junior with us ainy time in the near future?' 'Excuse me?' 'Um, um.' Pippin fiddled with his shirt, 'like, in th' nine months sorta future, if ye get mah meanin..'his voice trailed off.  
  
'Oh? Oh, I see!' She laughed,' No, no, absolutely not.' 'But, sureli ye won't ken fer aboot five months? Like Rosie' 'Pippin, It doesn't quite work like that' 'Aye? How does it work thean?' 'Well, there's a time and a place to explain that sort of thing, it's not here, and.Did your Mother never sit you down and talk to you about things?' 'No. Mah mither wid probably sooner have rolled in hunny and run naked though Fermer Maggoats beehives than expleen things oav tha' nature!' 'Right. Now I know what's wrong with you. Oh well. But if it would really please you, I think Pippin Junior's a sweet idea.' said Diamond strangely, wrapping her arms about Pippin. 'No' jist yet if it's a' the seam tae ye!' 


	26. Of Loneliness and Rain

Many Many Thanks to Pippin28, the Original Opposite of an Opinionless Moron. Love you.  
  
Chapter 26-Of Loneliness and Rain  
  
It was a happy yuletide spent together and with Merry, who actually by now was feeling pretty annoyed. Of course he wished his friend every happiness. Of course he thought Diamond was great and that Pippin deserved her. Of course he thought the sisters were evil and completely unfair to refer to them as 'Pipsqueak and his hussy', but - those horrid thumping noises in the middle of the night were so annoying, dammit!  
  
Did they seriously have to do that in a room which had a bed backing onto the wall of Merry's own? Did they? Yes, it wasn't like Merry had never been told to 'Kehp it dahn in there, damn yew!' , but it was just plain inconsiderate.  
  
And he hardly saw his most beloved friend around these days, did he? Always he was off with his lassie-friend, doing whatever. 'Sorry, Merry, you can't come, we've got plans', 'No, Merry, I can't get up and go mushrooming with you any more, I'll be tired and she'd miss me', 'Sorry, Merry, I'm expected back, I can't stay so late'. Etc.  
  
He missed his friend so badly. They'd been best pals for practically as long as could remember. Even his very earliest memories of playing around the fields of his home, aged no more than maybe three or four, always included Pippin. And now he was losing him. And it wasn't as if there was anybody Merry really liked that he could hang out with instead. He had friends, but no proper lady - friends.  
  
Pippin and him had almost been together. Almost in that sense, because things just happened that way sometimes, and they had been not very old, more than a little confused and extremely drunk. It wasn't easy to forget.  
  
Merry sighed and looked sadly out of the window. It had started raining. It matched his mood. He wished he could have Pippin back, just for a short while, so it could be like it used to be, just them, having fun and acting laddish.just being themselves, really. 


	27. Of Diamond Rings and Real Diamonds

Chapter 27-Of Diamond Rings and Real Diamonds  
  
Diamond had been out walking in the early spring afternoon when it came on raining. She cursed and dashed for shelter under the nearest tree. It was just a springtime shower which probably wouldn't last long, but no hobbitlassie appreciates having her second-best skirt drenched, so she decided just to wait. She sat down on the little red-painted swing, which hung from the lowest branches (Sam had put it up for Elanor, Frodo and Rosie to play on, though Diamond had to confess it was a rather comfy size for herself). She was thinking.  
  
Pip, who had come to find her, getting rather soggy in the process, saw her and silently came and leant on the trunk beside the swing. He also seemed to be thinking.  
  
And it occurred to Diamond while she was swinging gently under the tree why it felt so very familiar. Almost a year ago, this was where they'd first met, in the bizarrest of manners, but still.  
  
'Penny for your thoughts?' She said. 'Twa pennies fer yours,' he retorted, 'no' tha' ahd aisk ye tae pay. Not ais ah ken whit yer thinkin' aind. ah aim as weel' 'Huh, we know each other too well already. We're getting predictable!' Diamond smiled. 'Weel. ah wisnea jist thinking of tha'. Ah wis thinkin' of aiskin ye samethin' ais weel'.  
  
Pippin glanced at the tree trunk, hoping to find reassurance and inspiration in the little heart with their names in that he'd childishly carved into the tree one time when he was bored. Instead, Merry, as a drunken prank, had vandalised it and smoothed part of it out so the lettering now read:  
  
PIPPIN WANKS  
  
Pip stared at it in a state of shock and moved to cover it up. But Diamond noticed and followed his horrified gaze and almost fell off the swing laughing.  
  
Pip couldn't even protest, he just covered his beetroot face with his hands and wailed. Why why why why did these things always happen to him? It just wasn't fair! Diamond saw him wailing, got off the swing and pulled his hands away from his face, kissed him very sofly to comfort him and said: 'Pay no attention. The only people who do are the idiots who carved that, and they deserve to be chucked off the top of this tree. Now, tell me what it is you were going to ask, Pippin.'  
  
Pip thought his nerve would fail him, but he took a deep breath and went ahead 'Weel, whit ah wis gaun tae do wis tae tak thus oot of mah pocket,' he declared, rummaging in his waistcoat pocket and producing a little velvety black pouch, 'aind ah wis gaun tae do thus,' he went on, kneeling down on the ground, 'aind ah wis gaun tae tak thus ring oot aind say, like ah planned tae, that though it's a wee ring wi' these little diamonds oan, nane of them will ever be ais beautiful or as precious ais ye aire tae me, but ye can haive the ring ainiway, because ah wanted tae ask ye if. if ye'd no' like tae marry me, wid ye?'.  
  
He paused, looking up at the stunned expression on her face. 'Tho' ah guess th' effect is mebbe ruined aiftr that carvin''.  
  
Diamond silently motioned for him to stand up, and, holding his hands and the ring, and replied: 'Pippin, that is quite frankly and most definitely the best idea you've ever had in your entire life. I can't bloody well think of a single thing I'd adore more than being married to you'.  
  
Pip heaved a sigh of relief and hugged the little hobbitlassie, thrilled at the answer. After a few minutes the rain stopped and they both walked off together, contented. 


	28. Of Seduction and Shirts

Thanks to Pippin28 for being so sweet about this story. Also to twin03 for the same reason. But folks, the chapters get a little nasty from here onwards, so you might like to read them with your eyes shut, alright?  
  
Chapter 28-Of Seduction and Shirts  
  
It was a morning in spring, with the wedding preparations well underway. The trees were blossoming and the garden (which Sam regularly did as a complete favour, because he quite liked their garden ), was beautiful.  
  
Merry had been helping the couple with general preparations for their wedding, which was a lot of hard work, with food, invites, clothes, various people to see, places to arrange and hire out, and an awful lot of walking about. They had been out delivering invites for most of the morning, but Diamond had told them that she would finish off the last few, or at least get someone like Malva to do them.  
  
Merry and Pippin were sitting in the garden, tired after walking around all morning, having a cold drink and just lazing. Merry liked this. It wasn't often he got to be alone with his friend, and he appreciated his company, even if they were just doing nothing, like they used to. Suddenly a strange thought hit him and, on impuse, he leant over to his friend, who was looking the other way, and whispered his name.  
  
Pippins head whisked round, noses touching, and before he could do anything, their lips had met and Merry was kissing him. Pip yanked away and struggled backwards. 'Whit aire ye doin'??!!' he cried. He was annoyed that Merry did not look the slightest bit ashamed, he was kneeling there quite calmly, passive expression on his face.  
  
'So you have forgotten.' 'Whit?' 'How can you not remember, like when we were younger and used to do that all the time? And more besides. Don't pretend it didn't happen' 'Ye're a fool.' 'It's harmless, its just between friends. It means nothing anyway.'  
  
Pippin had the words on the tip of his tongue, just ready to say that he was going to be married and he didn't give a damn about all that donkey which had happened in the past, but instead he found Merry crawling blindly towards him, and suddenly his tongue wasn't his own any more. It was like Merry was welcoming him back, wrapping his arm and legs about his friend's body and kissing him hard. So Pip found himself kissing back, just one last time before it would be completely taboo.  
  
Merry's hand was going for his trousers, this wasn't good at all, except this crazy voice up the back of his mind was telling him that it was good, in lots of ways. Pippin cried out as his friend touched him, and kissed him even more viciously, this time biting down the side of his neck, almost not caring about whether this was right or not any longer. It felt brilliant. They were both sprawled on the grass, Pippin pressing himself closer to the Brandybuck, yearning, arching his back and suddenly tearing his friend's shirt off, regardless of the buttons, wishing he was completely unclothed. Merry moaned loudly and slid his free hand into his friend's hair, and was undoing his shirt, kissing every exposed bit of skin, downwards. His other hand was busy, caressing and stroking Pip into submission.  
  
Pippin was gasping now, wanting this so badly, until he saw something awful out of the corner of his eye, the very worst thing he could possibly have seen at that moment in time. It was Diamond.  
  
Merry hadn't quite caught on, and was still crying out Pip's name and touching him up. Pip just gazed sorrowfully at his wife-to-be, willing Merry 'stop, oh, just stop, you stupid bastard, can't you see what you've done? '. He bit his lip to keep from crying out in excitement and kicked him.  
  
They both looked at Diamond, who held their gaze, tears welling up in her green eyes, biting her lip. There was nothing that could be said. Pip could've just about drunk poison right then, he felt so bad. Diamond said absolutely nothing, then, as the tears started to spill from her eyes, she turned and fled, running blindly away from the sight. Merry got off his friend like he was made of broken glass, and couldn't look him in the eye at all. He looked back at him, and only half- anticipated the punch which was swung at his face. He knew he totally deserved it, and curled up on the grass when it knocked him down.  
  
Pip shrugged his shirt back on, and stumblingly ran away, tears rolling down his cheeks, to be alone. Merry just lay where he'd fallen, too ashamed to move. 


	29. Of Tears and Trees

Chapter 29-Of Tears and Trees  
  
'How could they? How could they? ' Diamond spluttered at Malva. She'd come round her best friend's house, not knowing what else to do. She'd explained and cried into her friend's shoulder, and not refused the drink when it was offered. She was hunched in her Malva's armchair, eyes red and sore.  
  
'I just wouldn't have thought Pip would. I mean, most of The Shire knew the rumours about Merry, though they weren't much more than rumours but now.' her friend tried to explain. 'Rumours? Whassat allabout?' Diamond hiccupped.  
  
'People thought Meriadoc was queer, just not liking lassies at all, even at an age where most hobbit lads were queuing up for them. There were a small group of them, when they were all tweenagers, who were just confused, I suppose, and didn't go out with lassies, instead preferring each other's company. Some of them even started sleeping with each other. Most of them have grown up rather and have wives now, but I guess Merry just hasn't quite decided yet, though he seemed to be getting better recently' Diamond didn't know quite what to say. 'He's old enough to bloody well know better' retorted Diamond sullenly, 'I don't believe Pippin would do such a thing. Merry pushed him into it, I'm sure.'  
  
Diamond thought of how she'd come in, ready to greet them both and tell them how well it was all going and how happy it was going to be.damn that. And then seeing the two of them tangled up together, sprawling on the grass, and how she'd been too horrified to even call out.it just beggared belief. Glad you were having a good time, Pip. Wonder if you look that way when we're together, or if that's just some kind of sick act? Maybe you're thinking of Merry the whole time, instead of me, and wishing I were him?  
  
Fresh tears started at this thought, and the hobbitlassie hiccupped miserably, imaging everything she knew of her husband-to-be to be fake. Malva sensibly offered her another hanky (she'd got through about six already) and went and sat by her. What could you do at a time like this anyway? If Pip'd been caught with another lassie (which she seriously doubted would happen), then you could just dismiss it as that, dump him and walk away. But this was another man-hobbit, close friend to both of them, if a little too close. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Pippin was sitting in the tree. His shirt collar and cheeks were wet with tears. He wanted just to climb as high as his weight would allow, then climb until the branches broke and he wouldn't have to live with what he'd done.  
  
His fault, his fault! Fool of bloody stupid Took, letting Merry do that. So Merry was lonely! He was acutely aware he'd not paid nearly enough attention to his lifetime friend, so now he was suffering the consequences. Would there still be a wedding? 'Peregrin,' He told himself, 'Diamond is wurth far mair tha' ye. Ye doan't deserve. anyone, let alone her. And she, she deserves someboady who isnea gonna try aind shag his best friend th' miniut she turns her back!!!'.  
  
He slumped there, not knowing what to do, or if there was even anything to do. Hours passed while he thought. The sun was getting low in the sky. He just wanted to go to sleep and wake up next to her like he usually did, watching the sunlight on her skin and hair, watching her breathe, just lying there slumbering. He couldn't ever imagine doing that with Merry. Well, not again. Merry snored like a hog anyway, and probably still did, even after fifteen years had passed.  
  
He couldn't care less whether he hunched there forever, in the tree, but he was starting to ache. He couldn't face sleeping at his own home, and Diamond would probably rather beat him senseless with a club than let him in her house. He reached into his pocket for his already soaking handkerchief to try and dry the tears on his face.  
  
His fingers brushed against something else, hidden deep in his pocket. He pulled them out. A handful of spare wedding invites. And a filled-up inkpen he'd been using to write the invitations. He could have laughed out loud with how stupid they seemed, and was about to tear up the paper when an idea came to him. Yes, it was still light enough to write things. He began to scribble. 


	30. Of Notes and Forgiveness

Chapter 30-Of Notes and Forgiveness  
  
Diamond thought long and hard about what to do next. It was early evening. Malva did offer to lend her some night-things and let her stay as long as she wanted, but Diamond thanked her and decided she'd need to be alone for a while. Alone somewhere she could think, somewhere where she wouldn't be disturbed and could plan out how to go talk to Pip. If him and Merry aren't still busy rutting each other, that is, she thought nastily.  
  
Where would be a good place to go? She headed for the tree. Where they'd met, and proposed, and Valar sakes, it seemed total Donkey at that moment in time.  
  
She sat down underneath the branches, watching the Sun get even lower, and sighing, snivelling slightly. Something hit her on the head. At first she thought it was just a clump of leaves. She looked at whatever had hit her, crumpled on the ground. It was a scrunched-up wedding invite. She looked up. Nothing there except branches. She opened it, curious, knowing that her own invites didn't suddenly fall out of the sky. It was in Pip's handwriting, and read:  
  
Deerest (crossed out) My dearest (crossed out) Diamond, I donnt no how too say what I have too. It is hard too xpresse. Im not jist sorry, I regrrette it so bad it hertz. U are thinkin I am a fol of a Took and u are rite, I think so as wel. It was alle my falt too give in wen he askd me if I remememberd wen we wer litl and I sed yes so he tried too kisse me and so did I and it wos Not Nise but I cudnt stap so ArgH DAMMIT!  
  
And it ended there. Diamond was more than a little confused. This was the genuine Pippin article, misspellings, virtually illegible handwriting and all. It was to her, but it wasn't finished, and he'd certainly never throw it at her by way of delivering it.  
  
She heard a noise. Spooked (she had thought she was alone in the field), she stuck her head round to try and see who or what it was. There was a voice coming from the branches of the tree. It was muffled, but she could make out horrendous swearing. Another piece of paper dropped out of the foliage and bopped her on the nose. She unscrewed it and read it:  
  
Diamond(crossed out) My love, I cant say how sorry I am on a stoopid bit of payper. I want too xplain evrythin so u undeerstnd that I was a fol of a Tok(crossed out) Fool of a Took but it wille nevr hapn eva agin or I will (there was a space left here). I do love u so much and Merry iss thee only one who dusnt undeerstnd thiz but we bothe do so I don't love him like that waye ARGH SHITE SHITE Y ME???  
  
Again, it finished there. Diamond twigged what was going on. She'd read enough. She looked up to the branches, and one more bit of paper whirled out past her face. She caught it and read:  
  
SHITE SHITE I CARNT RITE THIS DOWN IT DUSNT MAKE NO SENS TOO PUT IT ON PAPER. Y me? YYY? If I had notte let my best frend in my trousers noone of this wud hav hapnd o grate now I have riters blok y dont I jst die and save everyone I am a.. And here there was a string of swearwords to horrible to repeat. Diamond read it through three times with some amusement, then folded it up and put it in her apron pocket with the other two. She smiled. 


	31. Of Snivelling and Sunsets

Many, many thanks to Pippin28 for her continuous faith in this rapidly deteriorating story. Well, it's nearly over now anyway.  
  
Chapter 31-Of Snivelling and Sunsets  
  
There was the sound of snivelling from the branches of the tree, Pippin's voice wailing miserably. Admittedly, he did cry rather easily at times, but hey, rather a sensitive guy than a bloke with all the tact and delicacy of an armoured cart. Diamond hitched her skirts up, and climbed very slowly and quietly up the tree, making sure to keep behind the direction Pip was facing. He was sitting there, chewing his pen sadly, the card in his hand an inky mess where his tears had made it run, his gawky legs swinging childishly over the branch, hair tousled from him running his hands through it.  
  
She crept stealthily behind him, listening to his mutterings: 'No, no, no, tha' disnea soond richt. It's goat tae be fram th' heart aind honest, but ah.ah jist cannnae get whit ah woant tae say doon on a stupid litl bit oav caird. She wis sae good ait writin stuff, if Diamoan' wis here she'd ken whit tae put, but.then there widnea be much point in..' A small pair of hands came round and placed themselves neatly over his eyes. Pippin jumped about four feet in the hair, yelling in surprise.  
  
Then Diamond's soft voice in his pointed ear: 'Guess who? '. There was a moments silence while she heard Pippin gasp in shock. 'I'll give you a clue, shall I, if you're finding this one tricky? ', giggled Diamond. 'Diamoan'!' ' Oooh, good try. Actually I'm The Yuletide Robin.' There was a moment's confused silence. 'Robin? Ehhh?', Pippin said, pulling her hands off his eyes and twisting round.  
  
'No, you Fool of a Took, it's me!' 'But, but, but hoo d'ye ken ah wis here?' 'A little robin told me.' 'But why? Widdnt ye rather beat me senseless wi' a club fer cheatin on ye?' 'Well, the idea does appeal, but I do know it wasn't you're fault and you never meant it to happen. It's not like things had gone very far anyway'. Pippin was speechless, just kneeling there, amazed at how she could be so forgiving. Diamond hugged him gingerly. Merry's weight might've bruised him. 'It doesn't mean I'm a soft touch and don't care, I just think I can trust you from now on. I can, can't I, Pippin?'  
  
She looked straight at his green eyes and searched them, looking for any sign of untruth. Without any hesitation, Pippin nodded, holding her gaze. It didn't feel like a lie, and no more it was. 'There's only one thing I worry about. Why Merry? Am I not good enough or something' 'But ye aire! Ah wis jist sorry fer him. He dinsea ha' a lassie, or ainiboady really. That's mebbe because he's no' properly interested in them, but still.' 'There isn't really an answer to that, is there?' 'We shid set him up wi' Malva, whit de ye think?'  
  
They both smiled at the thought and Diamond felt better for it. If they could make jokes about what had happened, at least it still didn't hurt to talk about it. And it was an excellent time to broach the subject of.  
  
'Pip?' 'Yes?' 'I've been meaning to ask you, only you know what I'm like at getting round to things, if maybe you'd prefer to come and live with me at Long Cleeve instead? It's a really good place, it has, um, well, you've seen it after all, high ceilings and things.' 'Och, that's brilliant! Ah'd love tae! Merry might shoot me whaun he hears but, but he can jist gae tak a lang walk aff a short cliff. Ah'm no havin' him dae that agin.' 'But we will still be friends with him? And he can be best man, er, hobbit at our Wedding?' she said. 'Aye'  
  
Together, they settled down to watch the sun finish setting. 


	32. Of Forgiving and Forgetting

Pippin28-xxxxx  
  
Chapter 32-Of Forgiving and Forgetting  
  
Merry had been extremely worried all night. He didn't have a clue where his friend was, or when he'd be back. He just wandered about the house, depressed, after tidying up his bloodied nose and trying to calm down his rapidly blackening eye. Glancing in the mirror, he saw he looked absolutely awful. He'd hardly slept, not eaten (a sure sign something was wrong for a hobbit), and had a face that looked like Pimpernel had put it through a mangler by mistake on washing-day.  
  
Upon answering the door, he was totally relieved to find Pippin and Diamond waiting there. Apologies, hugs, promises and a large bottle of Witch Hazel (for Merry's benefit), were exchanged. It wasn't long before the friends were on good terms again, regretful of what had happened, but hopeful that it would not happen again.  
  
It was forgiven, but never truly forgotten.  
  
NOT THE END  
  
A Sequel is winging its bizarre little way to you as you read. Look out for it- s'gonna be much better than this as well! It's up now - called 'Pippinism the Second' (inventive isn't it?).  
  
Be warned, once Pippin gets married- his happy little world end up like something out of the Osbournes! Minus the horrendous swearing and unhygenic pets, of course. 


End file.
